My Last Defense

I need to speak, but cannot, my friends of yesteryear are getting to me. It hurts so much, I don't know what to do, they are trying to call me judgemental, and that I am bad for saying nothing, when nothing nice could be said. They say I bring them to tears, when they themselves bring me so close to that point. I pray and ask for God's help and to take this from me, but as of yet nothing. But I must take heart and know that God is in control. I don't want to demand anything from God but if this goes much further I don't think I can take much more. I am so glad that God has blessed me with friends here at college, genuine friends. But this whole situation is eating me up inside, it hurts, it physically hurts. I barely made it through yesterday. God had to be working when it came time for LJ and only half were there. There is no way I could have handled it all. God I cry out to you to help me. Guide me through, give me strength. Give them strength as well, don't let them wander too long in the darkness, help them. And to my friends old and new bless as well. Give them clarity and joy and strength. What am I to do God? What am I to do?